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What Larry means to us

Author:
larry

By Sophia Simon-Bashall

It’s 2am on 12th May 2017. Harry Styles’ debut album was released into the world just two hours ago. It feels like a major shift has occurred in the earth’s atmosphere. It is entirely possible that with these 10 songs, Harry has ended global warming. If anyone has the power to do so, it’s this man.

Fans across the world are lapping it up, of course – although One Direction going on hiatus was (and still is) entirely The Worst Thing Ever, the idea of a solo album from Harry has always been appealing. I am enjoying watching people’s reaction videos and reading their tweets about each song just as much as I am enjoying the actual album.

The one thing I’m not enjoying is the arguments amongst two camps of the fandom. These are always present, unfortunately.

Such arguments centre on one specific topic – that of Larry Stylinson. If you have never heard this term before (though, if you’re reading about One Direction, how is that possible?), it refers to the ‘ship’ of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson’s relationship. Some would say, a non-existent one.

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It was inevitable that an album entirely written by Harry would come into this debate – although, honestly, this fandom can make ANYTHING come into this debate – especially as he has spoken about it being pretty personal.

To be clear, I don’t have a problem with people’s speculation. I am a Larry, seven years strong, and I will no doubt spend the next few days dissecting every word, every note change on this album for Larry content. It’s fun. It’s part of our exploration of this piece of art. That’s okay.

Equally, I really do not care if people don’t believe in Larry. I don’t care whether or not they read the same things into these lyrics as I do.

What I care about is the way that ‘anties’ attack larries for being larries. Why? One, because the fandom is supposed to be like a family – a massive one – and it’s supposed to be fun. But ultimately, it upsets me because it completely misses the point.

The point is not whether Larry is real or not. Maybe it is. Maybe it once was. Maybe it never has been. WHATEVER. Believe what you want to believe.

The point is that Larry symbolises something more to us.

The majority of Larries are LGBTQ+ fans. That is a fact.

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From the very beginning, it was seeing two boys being openly very affectionate towards one another. It was seeing them being completely comfortable in that – they didn’t care what people thought. That was inspiring for many young LGBTQ+ fans who were just coming to terms with their sexuality, closeted, or in difficult environments. It normalised queerness. It sent a message that we were okay. That these people that we cared so deeply about would never ostracise us for who or how we loved.

From there, we found friends. Within the fandom, we could find other queer people. We could be safe. We could explore our own sexualities and possibilities about them, particularly through the realm of fan fiction. We could be supported in our questions and concerns and confusions.

And for those of us who were so uncomfortable with our own realities that we couldn’t overtly explore them? There was a distance that Larry provided us with. I have connected with many young queer girls over the years who used writing and reading Larry fic – between two young queer boys – to think about the possibilities before they were ready to confront their own identities. For many of us, it has helped us to disentangle ourselves from internalised homophobia.

Larry is so much more than Louis and Harry – and Harry knows this, too. He knows that their relationship – real or not – is a symbol of hope to many of his fans. He knows that it’s complicated. Which is why he is continuously telling us to interpret the songs however we want to. He has never insisted upon a single meaning. He has never shut us down, and for that, I am thankful.

The wider world may not get it. Heck, the rest of the fandom may not get it. But Harry gets it. That’s nice.

13 reactions to 13 Reasons Why

Author:
13reasons

By Christiana Paradis

Content note: mental health, suicide, sexual violence

I, like the rest of the world, just finished binge watching 13 Reasons Why, a new series on Netflix. I must preface that I was hesitant to watch this show. I had read the book two years prior and upon finishing felt woefully uncomfortable. I felt that it glamorized suicide and gave students who were struggling the perspective that it was the ultimate way out and to get revenge at the same time. As more information about the show swirled I decided I needed to give it a chance before writing it off completely. Ultimately, I was pleasantly surprised by the Netflix adaptation. Though there were a few things that still drew some concerns for me, predominately I felt the series adaptation got several things right.

13 reactions to 13 Reasons Why:

13) Glamorization of suicide. Similar to the book there were several times that I felt the book and series adaptation justified Hannah’s decision to commit suicide. Ultimately someone’s decision to end their life is their decision and it is a very complicated decision that is often affected by a person’s mental health, lived experiences, coping skills and support system. The one thing I do not want anyone taking away is that suicide is an appropriate way to solve problems or feel vindicated for things that have happened to them. There are many different options and help is always available.

12) Know yourself. If this topic is difficult for you to discuss or watch, then don’t do it. The show has quickly become current pop culture phenomena, that being said if the content is triggering you have the right to stop watching it or avoid watching it altogether and you have the right to talk to someone about it.

11) Bystander effect. The bystander effect continues to be a huge problem in our society. Earlier this week I was discussing bullying at a local high school. Every student could articulate examples and ways in which they could get involved to stop it; however, that’s where the buck stops. People’s knowledge about what to do and why, but never any actual action when it becomes necessary. When I asked students if you know what you’re supposed to do and you know it will make the situation better -why don’t you? The answers were telling “I might become a target,” “you can’t snitch,” “it’s my friend.” The peer effect and the threat of being considered an “outsider” for standing up against ill treatment keeps many students from standing up and speaking out, despite knowing that it is the right thing to do and ultimately could get them in trouble if they don’t. 13 Reasons Why articulated the strength of peer culture, the bystander effect, and the fear of being ridiculed for doing what you know is right.

10) Family; family members can play a crucial role in providing support to someone who is struggling. Several times Hannah alluded to wishing she could talk to her parents; however, it’s never entirely clear why she felt she couldn’t talk to her parents. Though it was evident money was tight and this pre-occupied her parents, it was also evident how much they loved their daughter. I like that the Netflix series incorporated a larger story line into the series adaptation. I think it was a powerful step in helping viewers realize the damage that suicide can have on the close friends and family members left behind. Hannah’s parents’ grief is difficult to watch at times, but added a unique element that wasn’t as prevalent in the book. There is damage to those left behind.

9) Support; we all have varying levels of support and at times we do not realize it. I call on everyone to think of one person that you have in your life that you can rely on and talk to. It doesn’t have to be a teacher, counselor, or parent, but there should be someone. It could be a friend, an older brother or sister, a friend that is close or far away. Know who your support system is and know how best to reach them when needed.

8) Sexual Assault is more prevalent than we imagine. I’ve worked in the field of domestic and sexual violence for five years and despite doing thousands of education programs in that time, people tend to challenge how often sexual assault happens in our society. Sexual assault is an underlying theme throughout the series and we see several depictions of it, initiated by different people at different times. Hannah herself is a victim of sexual violence several times over within the series. If there is one thing this series got right above all else it was the frequency in which sexual assault occurs in our society and the ways in which victims are treated in the aftermath. The counselor’s response to Hannah is not an uncommon response that victims hear and see everyday, typically not by counselors but by people of varying occupations and it has to stop. #NoMore

7) Lack of responsibility on the part of the perpetrator(s). Similar to most SA situations, it was clear that the sexual assault assailants throughout the film very rarely felt remorse for their behaviors when they happened. It was only after Hannah’s tapes are released that they start to question their decisions and actions and for some they still cannot rise to the place of taking responsibility. Lack of recognition and accountability are areas that largely allow for sexual assault to persist and the biggest hurdle to overcoming complacent behavior.

6) Techonology has changed everything. At several points throughout the series it became apparent the ways in which technology have added new components to bullying and sexual harassment. A photo of Hannah goes viral throughout school and is ultimately used to shame and bully her. This commonplace in the average high school. Students can articulate how bullying occurs via technology but also the ways in which sexual harassment and technology have become integrated. Technology is drastically changing the ways we function with one another and this series cast a light on the many influences that technology has on students and their relationships.

5) We can do better by speaking up. It’s not easy. We know the peer effect is strong, that being said we also know that nothing will stop if we don’t stand up and speak out for our peers and for ourselves. If we stand up and speak out just for one person it can make all the difference in the world.

4) We can do better by listening to those who matter most. Stop being afraid to listen to those who love and care about you. Hannah articulates several times in the series that several people affected her decision to commit suicide. She ultimately felt like no one cared; that being said Clay cared and ultimately blamed himself for Hannah’s death because he didn’t articulate his feelings enough. We need to listen to those who care most and know how to reach out to them when needed.

3) We can do better by listening. More important that talking is listening. We need to listen to the stories of our friends, classmates, parents, and teachers. We need to let others know that what their saying matters. We should actively listen and engage with their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. 

2) We can do better by integrating our services. Local domestic and sexual violence services are working to establish memorandum of understandings with local high schools to provide in person, scheduled, counseling for students who have indicated that they have been affected by domestic and sexual violence. Often we get dismissed or told it is not a necessary service. Services are needed and they need to be provided by experienced counselors. The most prepared individuals to discuss sexual and domestic violence are sexual and domestic violence advocates. School districts need to stop shutting out non-profit agency’s in their areas of expertise providing victim-based services. If there had been such a program at Hannah’s school the ending may have been drastically different.

1) We can do better by having conversations. The biggest reason I ultimately decided to watch 13R is because of the conversations it is starting. For the first time, I can go into a classroom of high school students and they want to talk about mental health, suicide, and sexual assault. They know what it looks like, they know it’s wrong, and they want to talk about it. They want to know their options, they want to talk about their own diagnoses and how that has affected their lives. Though there are several things that this series may not have gotten perfect, the one thing that it has done is sparked serious conversation among students about topics that have long been stigimitized and silenced. Students will no longer be silent because deep down in all of us, we resonate with feelings Hannah had, we resonate with her frustration of being ignored, harassed and bullied, we resonate with the many reasons we’ve experience that have made us question our mortality. We need to talk to friends, family, to each other, we need to know we’re not alone. There are millions of Hannah Bakers in the world. We all can do better. We all can do more. We all have the power to end up being someone’s I13R why they stayed.

The rape clause: thoughts on Tory women in politics

Author:
32793567693_81abae82d7_b

By Isla Whateley

Content note: discussion of rape and the law around rape

As a woman in politics, you are a minority. In both Westminster (UK) and Holyrood (Scotland) parliaments, about a third of elected politicians are women. Both the UK Prime Minister and the Scottish First Minister are women, however, and some may say this is an ‘achievement’ for women and feminism. But this is not necessarily the case.

The Conservative government, led by Theresa May (the second ever woman Prime Minister), has just put forward changes to child tax credits. Child tax credits are part of the welfare system in the UK; a benefit that low-income working parents get. As a child in a low-income, lone parent family, I benefitted hugely from the tax credits that we received. They were introduced by the Labour government that were in power for 13 years, 1997 to 2010, for almost all of my childhood. Although I was an only child, there was no cap for the amount of tax credits you received based on the number of children you had. My mum and I have a lot to thank Labour for and we wouldn’t have been able to get by without it.

Fast forward to now. Theresa May and the Conservatives have put a cap on child tax credits to two children – the ‘family cap’. Sounds unfair, right? It gets worse. If you have more than two children, sorry, no welfare for you. Unless one of these children is a result of a rape. You are forced to disclose this if you want to receive this welfare.

First of all, this completely undermines and ignores the extreme trauma rape causes. Rape is a violent crime, and many survivors suffer from mental illnesses such PTSD, depression and anxiety as a result. The legal system is rigged against women and survivors – hence, rape is ridiculously under-reported and under-convicted. Imagine undergoing all of that, and then being forced to disclose this highly sensitive, traumatic information in order to put food on the table for your children. It is clear that no survivors, sexual assault charities or women’s organisations were consulted in the formulation of this clause. At best, it is anti-feminist and undermines survivor’s autonomy . At worst, it will result in death.

On April 25th, in the Scottish Parliament, there was a debate on this issue. Kezia Dugdale, leader of the Scottish Labour Party, read out a letter from a rape victim and attacked Ruth Davidson, leader of the Scottish Conservatives, for being the only Scottish party leader to not have condemned the clause. Davidson, like May, is a prominent Tory and a woman. Neither of them seem to care about this.

So how did a government led by a woman let this go through? Sadly, being a woman does not equal being a feminist. This goes for politicians too. The Tories have actively pursued an austerity agenda since being in government, in order to combat the deficit, and there is extensive evidence that austerity disproportionately affects marginalised groups. This most definitely includes women – who are most likely to be affected by the rape clause.

For me, feminism is intersectional and must represent all women – especially if they are single parents, rape survivors, or low-income. It is one thing having Conservative men promote the rape clause, but a completely different issue when Ruth Davidson refuses to comment. Her silence and inaction says so much more than words could – that she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care enough to fight against this horrific injustice. In Scotland, we can’t do anything to stop it apart from lobby the Westminster government. Ruth Davidson is my local MSP, and I can say for sure that she represents survivors of sexual assault in this constituency. Her silence is abhorrent and very telling of the nature of many women Conservatives in the public eye.

Thankfully, many other Scottish politicians and activists are taking a stand. Two protests have taken place already – one in Glasgow, on Thursday 13th April, and one in Edinburgh on Thursday 20th April. At both, prominent campaigners and politicians spoke against the clauses, and hundreds of people turned up to show their support. There is a petition that can be signed here to bring further awareness to the issue, if you are a UK citizen. It is also important to vote against the Tories in the upcoming snap General Election – they are actively damaging to women and our rights. Register to vote here by 22nd May 2017!

Your college decision doesn’t define you

Author:
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By Stephanie Wang

Decisions are hard, I know. Soup or salad? Cake or ice cream? Cookie or brownie?

Really, even making decisions on something as easy as what to eat can be difficult, much less where you’re going to spend the next four years. For the other high school seniors, uncommitted, terrified about the choice you’ve just had to make, I know it’s scary taking the plunge.

Perhaps you were rejected from your dream school, or, debatably worse, accepted to your dream school but unable to afford it. Perhaps you think you know where you want to go, but you’re worried about this and that, and what if everyone there hates you there and you have no friends and you fail all y–

Relax. It’s all going to be okay.

As someone uncommitted just a few days ago, I can undoubtedly relate, especially when it seems every one of your options is good and holy crap, how does someone just step on a college campus and know that it’s a perfect fit? How can someone possibly stomach a binding Early Decision, knowing where they want to be as early as November? If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking something along the lines of, “What’s the secret? How do I know where I’m meant to go?”

First and foremost, please remember that college is not the end destination; college is not where you should be peaking. No matter what college you choose, more times than not, your happiness and success at a college is a result of self-determination. A result of you, standing up and resolving, “I will be happy and successful.”

Perhaps, most importantly, remember that college is a personal decision, a decision that can’t be decided by your parents, friends, or for that matter, absolute strangers that think they know your best interest. It’s you that’s going to college – not your Aunt Sally or your mom. It’s you, and you better be invested in your own education.

Go to the school you think you’ll be the successful at; not the school with the highest ranking or the school that everyone wants you to go. For me, personally, that was Vanderbilt University, but I sure know that much of my family and friends, including my mom and dad, wanted me to go to MIT or UChicago instead. I’m sure many of you reading this are thinking the same.

But for me, it boiled down to a couple things: for one, flexibility. It’s at Vanderbilt where I would have the most flexibility and the opportunity to explore as many of my interests as I would like, particularly since there’s no limit to the amount of AP credit I can use. As someone excessively indecisive, Vanderbilt made the most sense for me to attend. Instead of being pigeon-holed in a humanities-centered or a STEM-centered school, I’ll be attending a good school with both humanities and STEM. And, like many other of my peers, it also boiled down to money. Perhaps my biggest concern was regarding where I would fit in socially, but it only makes sense that I can find my group anywhere – in a school with over 6,000 undergraduates, it only makes sense you’ll find your crowd.

To conclude, the answer to “What’s the secret?” is that there simply isn’t one. Forget US News rankings or arbitrary assignments of “prestige.” There isn’t a “wrong choice” or a school that will set you up for failure – it’s what you do at the school that makes the difference.

I argue that there isn’t a school that’s a perfect fit for any student; realistically speaking, there will always be something about the college that you don’t like. Think about your college decision in the scope of trade-offs and opportunity costs: about what school requires you to sacrifice the least and grants you the most opportunities, not just now, but further down the line. Write your thoughts down, considering the pros and cons based on you, not what someone else thinks. Don’t think about how you’re “letting someone down” if you choose this school over another school; keep in mind only your own happiness and future.

I wish all you seniors the best of luck, not just in college, but in life. College isn’t the end destination; it’s the beginning of a new adventure, and I hope it’s one filled with happiness and success. For you juniors beginning to embark on this college journey, I wish you only the best (and also, please remember that a college decision does not define you).

She podcasts

Author:
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By Sophia Simon-Bashall

Podcasting is on the rise – it’s become a very popular medium over the past year or two. It’s a great format because you can listen on the go, unlike YouTube videos, and it’s versatile. A podcast can feel like a news report, an academic lecture, an intimate conversation between friends, and anything in between. That’s why I love them so much, there’s something for any mood – although, the intimate conversations are definitely my favourites.

There are so many podcasts on iTunes, it can be overwhelming and impossible to know where to start! Here at PBG, we like to minimise overwhelm and so are at the rescue. The following are a few of my personal favourite shows, all of which are so different from each other.

Some of these you may have heard of, some you won’t have. And I can guarantee that at least one of them will be for you, regardless of whether you’re an avid podcast listener already or new to this world.

Magic Lessons

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This is Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast. Yes, ELIZABETH GILBERT. It’s an extension of her book, Big Magic, and it is genius. Of course. It’s currently on hiatus, but there’s plenty of episodes already available to get you started. Plus, each episode deserves at least two listens – there are some that I’ve played 5 times, and each time I discover something new.

Melanin Millenials
Imrie and Satia are hilarious. This was the first podcast that I got into which felt like a radio show, and not ~just~ a conversation between friends. I look forward to the different segments each week, especially ‘Clash of the Clashbacks’. If you want to know what that is (it’s as fun as it sounds), you’ll have to tune in! They recently recorded a live episode, which I got to attend, and talked about being entirely unprepared for university. It was comforting, as well as entertaining, to say the least.

Let It Out
This podcast saved me. When I first went to university, I felt incredibly isolated. When I dropped out, I felt that just as acutely. During that time, I listened to this show whenever possible. It felt like I was part of something, part of these conversations with Katie and her guest/s, and kept me out of my own head. Without a doubt, it’s my favourite podcast, and I love it more and more all the time. It’s the most intimate, and listening in feels like a giant hug.

XX, Will Travel
XX is a travel podcast made by and for women! Too often, the outdoors is viewed as “the boy’s” realm. Over the past few years, narratives of women in the wild have increased, but this has predominantly been about white women. I love that this show is different. One of the two hosts is Latinx, and they feature a diverse range of guests. That, and they share really cool resources and tips.

Food Psych

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Fellow PBG-er, Fee, introduced me to Food Psych, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Host Christy Harrison is a registered dietician/nutritionist, but ~plot twist~ she doesn’t spout BS about food and weight! This podcast has been instrumental for me in gaining understanding of the Health At Every Size movement, and has introduced me to so many cool people doing body positive work.

Call Your Girlfriend
Yes, this is named after the Robyn song. It’s a podcast created by two long-distance best friends, and they talk about everything. It’s kind of like if you were actually calling your BFF and catching up, and just happened to record it. And they often call in other cool people, including badass babe Virgie Tovar, who is a fat activist and – quite simply – a hero.

Witch, Please
I solemnly swear that Witch, Please is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. It is the best because all I ever want to do is immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter, and this gives me the space for that. It is the worst because it has ruined the cocoon. I can no longer watch my ultimate comfort films without screaming at the screen every five minutes. And not just because dementors really, REALLY give me the creeps. The Chamber of Secrets has truly been opened. You have been warned.

the hurricane pod

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I started the hurricane pod because I needed a way to connect with other people – I was not in education, and my family had just moved to an unfamiliar place. I also really wanted to talk about mental illness in an honest manner – I was tired of the ‘success’ narratives of celebrities overcoming their mental health problems. These stories are important to hear, but they’re not always relatable when you’re in the midst of it. Plus, for many of us, ~recovered~ is not a state we will ever reach, and that is okay. The hurricane pod is about living through the storms of our brains, accepting that it’s messy, and managing the best that we can. I’m immensely proud of each and every episode, but those with my fellow PBG-ers Pip and Anna-Marie are my favourites to listen back to.

This Creative Life
Sara Zarr – author of How to Save a Life and Story of a Girl – hosts this podcast, and she speaks with other YA authors about the creative process. I’m obsessed with it, because I love hearing people’s thoughts on creativity, and I love YA. My favourite episode is with Nina LaCour, obviously. Nina LaCour makes my favourite everything.

And a few more fantastic shows, if you’re ready to dive in deep (I may or may not be subscribed to 50+ podcasts…)

Sooo Many White Guys

The Business of Soul Searching

Doing Good

The Notable Woman

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