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Christiana Paradis

13 reactions to 13 Reasons Why

Author:
13reasons

By Christiana Paradis

Content note: mental health, suicide, sexual violence

I, like the rest of the world, just finished binge watching 13 Reasons Why, a new series on Netflix. I must preface that I was hesitant to watch this show. I had read the book two years prior and upon finishing felt woefully uncomfortable. I felt that it glamorized suicide and gave students who were struggling the perspective that it was the ultimate way out and to get revenge at the same time. As more information about the show swirled I decided I needed to give it a chance before writing it off completely. Ultimately, I was pleasantly surprised by the Netflix adaptation. Though there were a few things that still drew some concerns for me, predominately I felt the series adaptation got several things right.

13 reactions to 13 Reasons Why:

13) Glamorization of suicide. Similar to the book there were several times that I felt the book and series adaptation justified Hannah’s decision to commit suicide. Ultimately someone’s decision to end their life is their decision and it is a very complicated decision that is often affected by a person’s mental health, lived experiences, coping skills and support system. The one thing I do not want anyone taking away is that suicide is an appropriate way to solve problems or feel vindicated for things that have happened to them. There are many different options and help is always available.

12) Know yourself. If this topic is difficult for you to discuss or watch, then don’t do it. The show has quickly become current pop culture phenomena, that being said if the content is triggering you have the right to stop watching it or avoid watching it altogether and you have the right to talk to someone about it.

11) Bystander effect. The bystander effect continues to be a huge problem in our society. Earlier this week I was discussing bullying at a local high school. Every student could articulate examples and ways in which they could get involved to stop it; however, that’s where the buck stops. People’s knowledge about what to do and why, but never any actual action when it becomes necessary. When I asked students if you know what you’re supposed to do and you know it will make the situation better -why don’t you? The answers were telling “I might become a target,” “you can’t snitch,” “it’s my friend.” The peer effect and the threat of being considered an “outsider” for standing up against ill treatment keeps many students from standing up and speaking out, despite knowing that it is the right thing to do and ultimately could get them in trouble if they don’t. 13 Reasons Why articulated the strength of peer culture, the bystander effect, and the fear of being ridiculed for doing what you know is right.

10) Family; family members can play a crucial role in providing support to someone who is struggling. Several times Hannah alluded to wishing she could talk to her parents; however, it’s never entirely clear why she felt she couldn’t talk to her parents. Though it was evident money was tight and this pre-occupied her parents, it was also evident how much they loved their daughter. I like that the Netflix series incorporated a larger story line into the series adaptation. I think it was a powerful step in helping viewers realize the damage that suicide can have on the close friends and family members left behind. Hannah’s parents’ grief is difficult to watch at times, but added a unique element that wasn’t as prevalent in the book. There is damage to those left behind.

9) Support; we all have varying levels of support and at times we do not realize it. I call on everyone to think of one person that you have in your life that you can rely on and talk to. It doesn’t have to be a teacher, counselor, or parent, but there should be someone. It could be a friend, an older brother or sister, a friend that is close or far away. Know who your support system is and know how best to reach them when needed.

8) Sexual Assault is more prevalent than we imagine. I’ve worked in the field of domestic and sexual violence for five years and despite doing thousands of education programs in that time, people tend to challenge how often sexual assault happens in our society. Sexual assault is an underlying theme throughout the series and we see several depictions of it, initiated by different people at different times. Hannah herself is a victim of sexual violence several times over within the series. If there is one thing this series got right above all else it was the frequency in which sexual assault occurs in our society and the ways in which victims are treated in the aftermath. The counselor’s response to Hannah is not an uncommon response that victims hear and see everyday, typically not by counselors but by people of varying occupations and it has to stop. #NoMore

7) Lack of responsibility on the part of the perpetrator(s). Similar to most SA situations, it was clear that the sexual assault assailants throughout the film very rarely felt remorse for their behaviors when they happened. It was only after Hannah’s tapes are released that they start to question their decisions and actions and for some they still cannot rise to the place of taking responsibility. Lack of recognition and accountability are areas that largely allow for sexual assault to persist and the biggest hurdle to overcoming complacent behavior.

6) Techonology has changed everything. At several points throughout the series it became apparent the ways in which technology have added new components to bullying and sexual harassment. A photo of Hannah goes viral throughout school and is ultimately used to shame and bully her. This commonplace in the average high school. Students can articulate how bullying occurs via technology but also the ways in which sexual harassment and technology have become integrated. Technology is drastically changing the ways we function with one another and this series cast a light on the many influences that technology has on students and their relationships.

5) We can do better by speaking up. It’s not easy. We know the peer effect is strong, that being said we also know that nothing will stop if we don’t stand up and speak out for our peers and for ourselves. If we stand up and speak out just for one person it can make all the difference in the world.

4) We can do better by listening to those who matter most. Stop being afraid to listen to those who love and care about you. Hannah articulates several times in the series that several people affected her decision to commit suicide. She ultimately felt like no one cared; that being said Clay cared and ultimately blamed himself for Hannah’s death because he didn’t articulate his feelings enough. We need to listen to those who care most and know how to reach out to them when needed.

3) We can do better by listening. More important that talking is listening. We need to listen to the stories of our friends, classmates, parents, and teachers. We need to let others know that what their saying matters. We should actively listen and engage with their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. 

2) We can do better by integrating our services. Local domestic and sexual violence services are working to establish memorandum of understandings with local high schools to provide in person, scheduled, counseling for students who have indicated that they have been affected by domestic and sexual violence. Often we get dismissed or told it is not a necessary service. Services are needed and they need to be provided by experienced counselors. The most prepared individuals to discuss sexual and domestic violence are sexual and domestic violence advocates. School districts need to stop shutting out non-profit agency’s in their areas of expertise providing victim-based services. If there had been such a program at Hannah’s school the ending may have been drastically different.

1) We can do better by having conversations. The biggest reason I ultimately decided to watch 13R is because of the conversations it is starting. For the first time, I can go into a classroom of high school students and they want to talk about mental health, suicide, and sexual assault. They know what it looks like, they know it’s wrong, and they want to talk about it. They want to know their options, they want to talk about their own diagnoses and how that has affected their lives. Though there are several things that this series may not have gotten perfect, the one thing that it has done is sparked serious conversation among students about topics that have long been stigimitized and silenced. Students will no longer be silent because deep down in all of us, we resonate with feelings Hannah had, we resonate with her frustration of being ignored, harassed and bullied, we resonate with the many reasons we’ve experience that have made us question our mortality. We need to talk to friends, family, to each other, we need to know we’re not alone. There are millions of Hannah Bakers in the world. We all can do better. We all can do more. We all have the power to end up being someone’s I13R why they stayed.

One week after the Women’s March: what now?

Author:
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It’s been 1 week since the Women’s March where millions of people stood against Trump, and perhaps more importantly stood in solidarity with each other against what Trump stands for. One week on, we reflect on some of our experiences of the march, and some of our hopes for the future…
Awakening to the news that the women’s march was the largest protest in U.S history made me speechless. Awakening to the news that an estimated 2.9 million marched in the country surprised me. As someone who avoided the inauguration because I believe that this country was in a hopeless state, I found myself in an unexpected state of optimism. Seeing so many committed to women’s rights was uplifting. Moving forward, I hope that women of all identities will not only continue to fight for the rights of women, but also fight women from minority races, the LGBTQ community, the Muslim community, and more. I hope that a stronger and larger coalition of women forms in years to come. I hope that more female politicians specifically those in the white house and females in positions of power push an agenda that protects the rights of women in collaboration with the millions of citizens who want the rights of women protected.

– Maram Elnagheeb

Last week I marched in a loving community of 500,000 people, which now seems like a drop in the bucket of over 4 million people worldwide. We marched not just in opposition to the inauguration of a President, but in protest of the unequal treatment of women worldwide who are standing up to say, “We have had enough.” It was one of the single greatest moments of my life because for the first time I know I’m not alone. There are millions of women and we are fighting together regardless of race, gender, sexuality, citizenship status,and physical or mental ability status. When you cut one of us, we all bleed and we are refusing to bleed anymore. We sent a clear message to political leaders across the world, we are here, we are loud, we are energized and we will not go away. The war on women has gone on for far too long, we are prepared to stand up until we are all equal. Stand up and rise we will.

– Christiana Paradis, Washington DC march

The Women’s March was the biggest I’ve been on in my life, and I’ve been on a lot of marches. From the sheer scale of things it’s obvious that Trump’s presidency has really upset and terrified a lot of people, even over here in the UK. I think it’s important that we don’t stop with the march – that we continue to show solidarity with women and oppressed groups worldwide, now and in the future. Marching is great – but what now? It’s important we take action to support others, and keep resisting.

– Yas Necati, London March

Book Review: My Daughter’s Army

Author:
mydaughtersarmy

By Christiana Paradis

I just finished reading My Daughter’s Army by Greg Hogben and the moment I put it down my heart was pounding—I just wanted more! It’s honestly taken me several days to fully put all of my thoughts about this book together and write the review that it deserves. The book follows Adam Goodwin, an attorney, who finds a baby abandoned in a train station. Goodwin goes on to adopt and single parent the child, Sera. As she ages Sera becomes an international advocate for women’s equality and her dad remains her number one supporter through it all. Here’s a quick run-down of a few of the reasons why I loved it and why feisty feminists everywhere will want to snag a copy!

  • Hooray for representations of healthy masculinity! This book is told from the perspective of Adam Goodwin, who is a father raising a sweet, caring, and loving daughter who will stop at nothing to improve the lives of women around the world. In presenting the book like this, it highlights the topic of single fatherhood, which is often overlooked. Adam finds Sera abandoned at a train station and takes on the responsibility of raising her along with his brother and three female neighbors. Additionally, Adam’s character never hesitates to express the true love that a father possesses for his daughter. We hear so much about the problems of toxic hypermasculinity and the ways in which it works to stifle male emotion. This book does the opposite. It presents the true beauty of healthy masculinity and particularly this father’s never-ending duty to support his daughter in any way that he can to help her achieve her mission.
  • Not another gay tragedy! Adam Goodwin is a gay single father. The way in which his sexuality is referred to is monumental for two reasons. First, Adam’s sexuality is not the main focus of the book, in fact it is only mentioned in reference to the loss of his partner. Thus, his character’s sexuality is presented just as normally as any other heterosexual character. Often when LGBTQ+ characters are included their sexual identity becomes their only. To the contrary, My Daughter’s Army presents sexuality as any other qualifying distinction and moves on. It was a breath of fresh air to see the normalization of an LGTBQ+ sexuality. Secondly, despite several upsets the character endures throughout the book, his sexuality is never a point of tragedy. Often LGBTQ+ characters endure tragic fates or are continually presented in stereotypical depictions. In this work, Adam’s sexuality is not a cause for depression or sadness, but rather just a piece of the character that is presented in a positive and empowering light, which is a drastic change from most novels.
  • Feminism and Faith. Towards the middle to the end of the book religious connotations begin to make an appearance. (I hate spoilers so I will not tell you how or why.) At first, I was a little reluctant to this addition; however, it is integrated into the text in a way that the reader doesn’t feel forced into understanding or accepting the character’s religion in order to enjoy the work. The religion is presented mostly as non-denominational with Christian undertones. Additionally, once I had finished the book and reflected on it I actually realized that this integration helps reconcile some ever persisting ideas that feminism and LGBTQ+ issues automatically clash with ideas of religion. It was wonderful (even if you don’t have any particular religious affiliation) to see the integration of these two spheres of thought, coming together in a mainstream title.
  • The US isn’t the center of the universe—International Feminist Representation and Inclusion! One of my favorite things about this book is that it integrates international feminist and women’s issues. It tackles everything from human trafficking to honor killings and it presents them in a way that is raw and real; yet takes into account cultural implications for the communities in which they are taking place. Often feminist works tend to stick to one particular issue or present third wave feminist issues only on a national level, this book goes above and beyond to include women’s issues on an international scale. THANK YOU!
  • Powered By Girl! But finally–my absolute favorite thing about this book is that it highlights the amazing accomplishments that internet activism can have and it is entirely powered by girl! This book is a homage to all social justice activists working in the field and behind computer screens to make a difference in the lives of women around the world. It presents how internet activism can make a difference, but also encourage real action offline. The accomplishments and implications of Sera’s work throughout the text are a true testament to the work of feminist organizations like PBG and others around the globe. Sometimes work in this movement can be exhausting—this book put into perspective that we are making a difference and each day at a time, little-by-little, the world is becoming a better and safer place for women.

Please consider purchasing and reading My Daughter’s Army. You will not be disappointed!

How “Love Actually” Taught Me To Check My Privilege

Author:

By Christiana Paradis

In light of the recent outbreak of racial tensions in the United States—I say outbreak with a grain of salt because I firmly believe these tensions have always existed in the history of the US, but have just been pushed aside the last several years—I questioned how best to support the African American community in the United States. As a white American it outrages me that, “While African Americans comprise 13% of the US population and 14% of monthly drug users they are 37% of the people arrested for drug offenses” – according to 2009 Congressional testimony by Marc Mauer of The Sentencing Project, and that, The U.S. Sentencing Commission reported in March 2010 that “in the federal system black offenders receive sentences that are 10% longer than white offenders for the same crimes,” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bill-quigley/fourteen-examples-of-raci_b_658947.html) or that, “Black women are almost three times as likely to experience death as a result of DV/IPV than White women. And while Black women only make up 8% of the population, 22% of homicides that result from DV/IPV happen to Black Women and 29% of all victimized women, making it one of the leading causes of death for Black women ages 15 to 35” (http://time.com/3313343/ray-rice-black-women-domestic-violence/). Yet I know that these facts can only anger and outrage me a quarter of the amount that they enrage people in the African American community, because despite being able to spit these statistics, I do not live this experience. I do not know what it means to be an African American woman living in the United States and I’m not going to pretend to, but I do believe that I need to do whatever I can to support them and anyone else that is living in a community that is not experiencing equal treatment in the US.

Growing up in a town that is 91.7% made up of Caucasian citizens (US Census Bureau, 2010), I was never Untitledsurrounded by a shortage of white people and though I was always taught to respect people of different cultures than my own. The opportunity to experience some of these cultures was minimum and the opportunities to check my privilege were even less. Therefore, it came as a huge surprise that one of the first situations I encountered that shattered my white lenses came while watching a Christmas movie, Love Actually, in 2004.

One of the main plotlines in the movie is that Daniel, played by Liam Neeson, has a stepson, Sam, who falls in love with a classmate, Joanna, and in an attempt to win her heart learns to play the drums for their school Christmas Show. The entire movie with intertwining plot lines leaves in you in suspense of meeting Joanna until the very end of the movie. Throughout the movie you must make conjectures about who Joanna is, what she looks like, and of course whether she actually likes Sam. In one of the last few scenes in the movie we are introduced to Joanna while she performs “All I Want for Christmas” at the Christmas Show, while Sam plays drums.

I remember watching the movie in anticipation for the first time to see Joanna and remembered being floored when Joanna was a different race than Sam. Though I didn’t have a problem with it, she was just different than I expected. Then I remember thinking, why is she different than I was expecting? Because she wasn’t white? Why did I think that? That is not okay! I’ve had a few moments like this throughout my life, where I’ve had an immediate judgment, had to backtrack and then question where that thought came from or what was encouraging this stereotype/bias/judgment. In the years since I’ve realized we all make judgments about others, it is what we do with those judgments that determines who we are as a person. Do we make these judgments, let them fester and then act upon them or do we question where they came from and challenge them? Our actions in these moments determine whether we check our privileges or enhance them.

Untitled1Being an aspiring ally to any community that is different than you takes work. It is an ongoing process. You can’t just take a webinar and – poof! – consider yourself an ally to that community. You must be constantly working to improve the lives of others around you. You must make advocacy a daily routine. You must challenge micro aggressions that you hear. It is a process and quite frankly sometimes an exhausting one, but one that needs to be done. Recognizing your privilege is important, using your privilege for good and to help the lives of others is even better. This video is a stunning example of the ways in which we can use our privilege to enhance the lives of others and act as an aspiring ally

I encourage everyone in a place of privilege to question it and the judgments we make every day. Use it to improve the lives of others and above all speak up! Please don’t just sit by while millions of people fight for their rights. #BlackLivesMatter #Everywhere.

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I Knew Taylor Swift Was Trouble When She Walked In

Author:

By Christiana Paradis

It’s never been a secret: I dislike Taylor Swift. Unfortunately, in a world where it appears everyone loves her, I for the most part, keep quiet because it really isn’t worth the fight. However, her latest video, which was brought to my attention by a wonderful friend, has infuriated me to the point where I need to say something. And “haters gonna hate, hate, hate” about that — and quite frankly I don’t care.

Swift

Regularly in the media domestic violence, stalking and sexual assault is presented and normalized (Has anyone seen the new Maroon 5 video?). It is seen more as a given and normalcy in our society than an atrocity.

Often when this happens we see a male perpetrator of domestic violence and a female victim. Working in the domestic violence field, very rarely do we talk about female perpetrators and male victims because our statistics don’t support that it happens very often. 85% of domestic violence victims are women (Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003). But it is important to remember that statistics are only as good as what is reported and quite often, cases of domestic violence against men, when the perpetrator is female, are not reported. The reason for this is simple: gender stereotypes are still very prevalent in our society. Not many men feel comfortable reporting to the police, hospital or domestic violence shelter saying “my significant other hit me,” because to say that is presumed emasculating.

This has to stop. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence and anyone can be a perpetrator. We need a society where everyone feels safe to report regardless of gender.

The same as domestic violence against women has become normalized in the media, domestic violence against men has become comical. (Remember the social experiment of domestic violence of men versus women in public?) Taylor Swift’s new video for “Blank Space” is no different.

The video begins depicting a very common theme in domestic violence relationships – the honeymoon phase – where everything is wonderful and the person expresses a lot of love early on in the relationship. In this video the victim has found Princess Charming, aka Taylor Swift. However, this relationship quickly turns unhealthy as some domestic violence relationships do when a perpetrator may accuse a victim of cheating with little to no evidence. This is apparent in the video when Taylor sees Sean texting someone else and automatically assumes it is another female. She even expresses this excessive jealousy as she screams (emotional abuse), hits, and pushes (physical abuse) Sean in fury. We then see Taylor throw his cell phone in a fountain, cut up his clothing, and destroy his car — all things that are done to intimidate, threaten, and embarrass the victim. Frequently working in the field of domestic violence, I see cell phones are destroyed because it makes it impossible for the victim to call for help and destroying property in an effort to threaten and terrorize the victim are signs of further emotional abuse.

Taylor’s messed up world and perceptions are evident not only in this video, but in the song lyrics themselves —“boys only love it if it’s torture.” First, this statement is extremely emasculating towards men; similarly to when men call all women girls, in an attempt to infantilize us. This statement emasculates all men into boys and makes a sweeping judgment about what men like and don’t like. Let me clear this up for you, Taylor. NO ONE likes torture. NO ONE likes to be made to feel less of a person by another person, no matter what your gender identify. Maybe I am over rationalizing? You were just trying to make a statement about men liking relationships that are difficult. Guess what? I still don’t buy it. What frustrates me further is that this video came from someone who recently proclaimed to the world that she was a feminist. Perhaps I should explain that feminism is about gender equality. We do not achieve gender equality by emasculating men, but thank you for furthering that stereotype.

We see the cycle begin all over again at the end of the video as a new victim comes to Taylor. I don’t care if you’re Taylor Swift or a person just sitting at home on their computer watching Taylor Swift, we need to stop presenting domestic violence against men as funny or less serious than violence against women. Violence against anyone is not okay.

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